Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
