Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
