Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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