Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
