If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize