I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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