He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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