These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
