so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
