Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
