Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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