I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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