Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
