Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize