tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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