ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
