i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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