I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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