Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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