considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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