You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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