I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
