the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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