Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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