your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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