remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
