end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I want her autograph on my taint
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
