I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
