Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
