I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
