Plan B is the new Plan A
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
