I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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