wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
