I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
