Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
