apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
