I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
