gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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