A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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