last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
