yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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