i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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