Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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