i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
