You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
