Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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