I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
