sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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