I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The air taste purple.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
