oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
