we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize