Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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