Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
