I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
