It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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