Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
