i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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