i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
