Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
