if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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