He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
