I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
