I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
