they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
