Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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