I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize