I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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