thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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