dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
