Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
