if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You dont lie about slip and slides
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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