watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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