Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
