I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize