well I can't set my house on fire every night
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
