You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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