Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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