Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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