so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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