New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize