I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
