I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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