what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
