Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
