On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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