the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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