You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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