he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize