Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
