Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
