I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
