Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
