i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
