Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
