All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
