You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
