So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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