i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
