i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
