Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize