Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
