I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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