I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
