i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She needs sedatives and a leash
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
