I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
