Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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