I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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