im drinking this country out of the recession.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
