just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
