Rock
Scissors
Fuck
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
