Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
