My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just sent this text using only my big toe
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
