i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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