I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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