My friends, they love my intelligence
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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