she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
