anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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