I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
