We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
